Wednesday, July 14, 2004

You Ghoul

Everyone is on tenterhooks, no one daring to move a muscle lest a single twitch turns the touch and go situation into a tragedy. Everyone valiantly tries to go about their businesses as normally as possible and yet, under their breaths, they mutter endless prayers for God to stay the hand of the throat-slitters.

And then all of a sudden, this ghoul of a man Carlo Caparas decides to yak to the media about his plans to make a movie about the whole tragic situation.

Bad trip.

After years of foisting his brand of crapola on the hapless moviegoers, this director, whose career highpoint is taking the already hysterical Kris Aquino to new and greater heights of histrionics in the classic shriekfest "Vizconde Massacre," now manages to nauseate us some more with this utterly tasteless and insensitive pronouncement.

Mahiya-hiya ka naman Caparas.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Google Gone Wild

I knew Google was great but it didn't occur to me that the phenom we all love has a lot more tricks up its sleeve.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Finally, the CBCP Sees The Light

What millions of Filipinos have known all along, the good bishops in the CBCP are only now beginning to realize.

Yeah, it's two months late in coming but at least they are now willing to admit that cheating has occured in the last elections. And not just the isolated kind but one that is massive and wholesale.

Lagot ka, Gloria. The people might yet find out how Bro. Eddie's millions of votes evaporated into thin air.

Nipped in the Bud ( How Janet Jackson Effectively Killed Live Broadcasting)

It's the end of live broadcasting as we know it.

For fear of incurring the FCC's wrath in the wake of Janet's Superbowl nipple-baring stunt, stations all over the US are now implementing a 40-second Profanity Delay System that will allow live programs to edit out offensive words and sequences.

Last time I checked, "live" meant real-time. If what you hear and what you see do not happen in real-time (delays that happen when broadcasting live from the Abu Sayyaf's lair in the boondocks do not count, of course), then really, they can't be truly called live, can they?

Much ado about one nipple. And not a particularly attractive one at that.

P.S. Out of curiosity, I tried Googling for pictures of Jackson's KSP-stunt but stumbled into the Twighlight Zone instead. I do not know what is up with my favorite search engine but even with the Safe Search Mode turned off, the search string "Janet+Jackson+superbowl", which ordinarily would yield a truckload of results, returned exactly one picture -- an artwork of a geisha. What the...

Try it.


Santissima, Sto. Tomas!

At least she had the decency to apologize . But my advise to Patricia Sto. Tomas is -- grow some EQ (that's emotional quotient, as in that milk commercial's Marshmallow Test).

I know it's very tempting to be the first to announce some bit of good news. Pero santissima, Madam, you had better verify reports first. We are not dealing with wage hikes here -- a man's life is on the balance and his family's biting their fingernails down to bloody stubs.

Just for a moment, imagine how sucky it is to be in the shoes of the dela Cruz family members -- they're all worried sick about their father one moment, then getting the news of the release, whoop it up the next, whereupon they are told that "Ay mali, he hasn't been released pa pala. May tumawag kasi sa akin na released na daw e," which promptly sends them back to Distraughstville.

Ask any psychiatrist. There's no surer way to send someone to the loony bin.

Is it too much to ask our leaders to be more responsible in their actions?

Mag-ingat naman po tayo.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

The Wonderful World Of Disini

Sandigan orders arrest
of Marcos crony Disini
Posted: 2:00 AM (Manila Time) | Jul. 08, 2004
By Armand N. Nocum
Inquirer News Service

Nuke plant bribe

THE SANDIGANBAYAN Wednesday ordered the arrest of businessman Herminio T. Disini, a close associate and golfing buddy of the late strongman President Marcos, who allegedly received $18 million in bribes from two US firms that won the contract to build the mothballed nuclear power plant in Morong, Bataan.

Read the whole fairytale

I mean, what in the world is up with that?

Once upon a time, we allowed this scoundrel to flee our kingdom, lead a charmed life somewhere in Europe and allow eighteen years to pass before deciding to hale him to court. All things being considered, the chumps tasked to go after him would probably have an easier time fitting Cinderella's glass slippers on the foot of Dumbo.

Somewhere over the rainbow, the gods must be laughing their heads off at how absurd this country's justice system had become.

We owe, we owe, so off to work we go.

And the corrupt live happily ever after.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

For Whom The Bells Toll

While we were sleeping, the PNCC increased its toll fees .
Hey, slap me silly but aren't we still punchdrunk from the latest flurry of oil price hikes? Didn't the latest increase in the prices of transport and pandesal hit us on the jaw so squarely that it sent our mouthpiece sailing all the way to the peanut gallery?

If you are part of the government's scriptwriting team which wrote in this silly little plot twist, you should realize that you are a nitwit. No, you should realize that your thought processes are so bizarre and so absurd you could make piles of money as a telenovela writer.

Didn't any of you dumdums in the government realize that it's bad timing to raise the toll fees now? Why? Because the Filipinos, numskulls as we are, would now probably notice that no sooner had the proclamation been over than the chumminess between Malacanang and this certain rich family has already taken its toll on their peso's purchasing power. Stupid as we are, we just might put two and two together and realize that the "tat" in the "tit for tat" is now being collected by this rich family, which, incidentally, owns the water that we drink, the electricity that powers our homes, the tollways that we travel on and only needs to bottle the air that we breathe to complete their utilities portfolio.

And then perhaps we would see a faint a glimmer of The Truth -- that we have been hoodwinked. And that we are all unwitting accomplices to the bigget hoax ever perpetrated on the Filipino people. And that no, we are not in the least bit better off with a government that ascended to power though dubious means.

You nitwits in government didn't even wait 'til the electoral dust has settled before divvying up the spoils of war.

But it serves us right. We rebuffed an offer to have principled governance and instead clung to that old brand of politics that breaks out into rashes when paired with any other word than "patronage."

This is gonna be a loooooooooong six years.

Friday, July 02, 2004

P9 Envy

I'm desperate. I'm willing to part with my beloved Palm m505, my prodigal Smart Amusing Phone, a 32MB MMC Card, a USB Infrared cable -- all for one used Sony Ericsson P900.

Heck, i'll go the whole nine yards and even throw in a Nokia 8210.

Can you tell that no other gadget has inspired this much passion in me?

Mashup, Doc?

What does Milkshake by Kelis have in common with
You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC?

Absolutely nothing.

That's why they're so much fun to mashup.

Yeah, mash up. That already bubbling-under musical genre that takes
the vocal track of a song and slaps it on top of the music track of another, preferably as far removed tonally and rythmically from the first, resulting in a totally new-fangled creation quite different from its parents.

Honestly, when Kelis flirtily sings "My milkshake brings
all the boys in the yard-- la la la la la , warm it up, the boys are waiting", the last music bed you'd expect it to be lying on is the angry and crunchy guitar riffs of Angus Young.

But it's exactly what this certain dude with too much time in his hands just did. He calls himself DJ BCand he dubs this delicious concoction Milk Shook Me.

Really, apart from the Hotel Costes lounge series and the latest Hed Kandi releases, mashups are just the sort of stuff I need to lift me up from this musical doldrums I've been wallowing in lately (will someone please tell Paolo and Nyoy that acoustic is dead -- and that they killed it?)

And oh, this DJ BC guy also somehow found a way to blend Nelly's Country Grammar with Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes and came up with --you guessed it -- Owner of a Lonely Country. Haha.

Admittedly, mashups owe a lot to its primogenitors like that genre called the medley, and it obviously took a page from remixes. But medleys are cornball and remixes never intend to come up with a new creation. Mashups, on the other hand are, well... you have to hear it for yourself.

Awww yeah, finally, I have something to distract me for a few weeks.